Welcome to the “Front-Porch.”
I was going through some of my old columns that began in August 1997 and paused at one in May of ’98. It was the first “graduation” column I ever wrote.
I just realized it’s been 29 years since then. Hard to believe. But what also strikes me is how little has changed since 1998, as you’ll see in today’s story about an “Eight-Cow Woman.” We had fun with this story over the years with students who, naturally, thought it was about a woman as big as eight cows. They never failed to threaten me when I said that the amazin’ blonde was an eight-cow woman.
But it fits not only in 2026 but also in 1998, and it slides smoothly into the “Power of Positive Thinking” theme we’ve been discussing here on the “front porch.”
It is said that long, long ago in this far-away, obscure island, the inhabitants had a curious custom. Whenever a young man wanted to marry a young lady, he’d give the father of the young lady a dowry, which was not curious of itself. What was curious was that the dowry was cattle. If a young lady happened to be an exceptional catch, the father might expect three, maybe even four cows for her, but these were the rarest of cases. If she were more the run-of-the-mill type, the father would bargain for all he was worth for two cows and often would settle for one.
One day, a prince from a neighboring island came to this place looking for a bride. He searched the land far and wide for a suitable mate, going house to house with no success. Whatever his standards were, it seemed that all he was finding was “one” or “two cow” girls on the island. Everyone was confused, though, because there were plenty of beautiful and smart girls there. But nothing satisfied him, so he prepared to return home disappointed. As he neared his ship, he realized he had missed a little cabin nestled in a wood not far from the seacoast. So, he decided he might as well try to see if there was any hope there. The man who lived in that cottage had many daughters, most of whom would be fine catches for some gentleman. But as before, as each young lady passed before the prince, she was met with disappointment. None was right for him.
“Do you have any more daughters?” asked the prince to the anxious father.
“Yes,” said the father, “I have one more, but she’s out working in the field; and I don’t think you’d be interested in her.”
Still, the prince insisted on seeing her, so the father called her to bring her before the prince. Immediately when the girl walked through the door – clearly tired and dressed in old work clothes – the prince’s face lit up, and he exclaimed, “There she is! There’s the girl I want to marry – if she’ll have me.”
The poor young girl, being quite – what’s the nice way to say it? – “homely,” cried and ran away, thinking the prince was making fun of her. But he ran after her and begged her to come back, insisting that he truly wanted her to be his bride. He wiped her pitiful little tears away and walked her back to the house, where the father gathered with his family for advice on how many cows to ask for her.
Two, they all thought, would be too many for a girl as common as she, and even though he didn’t want to insult the prince, he also didn’t want to overplay his hand. He surely couldn’t ask for half a cow (students always liked that part) – so he gritted his teeth and, with a prayer, asked for one cow.
The father returned to the prince and told him he had decided to take one cow for his daughter, but the prince was insulted. “You mean you want one cow for this young lady!” the prince exclaimed, and all the air went out of the father because he thought he had asked too much.
But “No,” the prince said, “I’ll give you no less than eight cows for this beautiful girl!”
The father and all the family were stunned! Never before in all the land had any father been given eight cows for his daughter. But the father agreed (with great joy and surprise), and the wedding was set.
The wedding day came, and the young couple were married with all the glamour of a prince and princess’ wedding – but that did not stop the people from being shocked and from whispering things like, “What’s wrong with that prince? He could’ve done much better.”
The newlywed couple went back to the prince’s homeland for their honeymoon, which lasted several months, another custom of that time. But one day the loving couple finally came back to the young girl’s home to greet her family and all the villagers. Not one person from the village failed to go out to meet the ship as it came in. All wanted to see how the couple had gotten along and, most of all, how she would look.
They could not have been more surprised. When they walked off the ship, they hardly recognized the young girl who had grown up there in their village and who required a dowry of eight cows to have her. When she walked off the ship, hand in hand with her young groom, they saw the most beautiful lady they’d ever seen. None matched her! They were stunned and at a loss to understand. What had transformed her so much in a short time? (Students always had plenty of answers, all of which were wrong, of course, but fun.)
But, really, the change was no mystery, not then and not even today. You see, the prince treated the young lady like an eight-cow woman, and she began to feel like an eight-cow woman, and before you knew it, she became like an eight-cow woman.
And, so, it is true today as it was long ago; and it is true in this land as it was true in that land far away. A person really can and will become what she thinks she is!
And, in the FWIW department, now you know why I told this story almost every year at the end of a school year.
And maybe, you also know this Prince.
Coach Steven Ray Bowen served as a teacher and basketball coach at Red Oak High from 1998-2012 and recently came out of retirement twice for teaching tours at Ferris and Waxahachie High Schools. He and his wife Marilyn (the “amazin’ blonde”) have slowed down some of their travels and reconvened in their evangelistic work with the Church of Christ of Red Oak at Uhl/Ovilla Roads, in addition to Coach’s work as a writer and author, including the working to publish “Crossing The Georgia Line” that ran in the Ellis County Press. Call or text (972) 824-5197, email coachbowen1984@gmail.com, and see frontporchgospel.com.