OUT TO PASTOR: Sometimes I feel like a rabbit

I’m not good at a lot of things in life. That list could go on and on and on. However, I am actually excellent at a few things.

I think the top of that list is eating, which I do with a passion that might make you smile.

I’ve never met a cheeseburger that I didn’t like. I could have a cheeseburger every day and be very happy. Along with my cheeseburger would be some very delicious French fries.

Along with that, I’ve never met a serving of Mac & Cheese I didn’t like. I enjoy those buffets where I can eat as much as I want. I’m not sure who came up with this idea of Mac & Cheese, but they certainly deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.

When it comes to dessert, I have never met a dessert I did not love.

At some restaurants, when I order my dessert, I tell the waitress, “You surprise me and pick out a dessert you think I would enjoy.”

Not once has a waitress brought me a dessert I didn’t like.

Then, I have never had an Apple Fritter I did not enjoy. I can’t remember when I first started eating Apple Fritters, but it’s certainly been a wonderful experience for me.

I try to convince The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage that an Apple Fritter is actually a fruit. Everybody knows that an Apple is a fruit. Whenever I say that to her, she looks at me and says, “The only fruit I know is you, and you’re a fruitcake.”

When it comes to breakfast, I’ve never had a waffle I didn’t like. There is nothing like a plate filled to the top with waffles floating in syrup.

Recently, some health challenges developed, and my doctor said I was slightly overweight. I asked what that meant, and he just smiled, probably knowing I’d find some humor in it.

I then had a slight heart attack, along with an episode of shingles and even a case of acute bronchitis.

All of that together redefined my health condition.

When I say redefine, I’m referring to The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. She’s usually with me when I see my doctor and knows everything the doctor says about me and my health condition. She remembers even more than I hear.

Because of that, she has now taken over the culinary aspect of my health. I did not see that coming. All of a sudden, my eating habits are being supervised by The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

I must confess that she is a wonderful cook. I don’t think there’s anything she can’t cook or bake that doesn’t taste delicious.

But now, because of my health conditions, she has developed a vegetable diet for me. Also, some fruits are involved. The main part of my meals every day is lettuce. Personally, I only love lettuce on my cheeseburger. After a while, I have come to the point where I want to say, “Let us alone.” But I can’t speak that out loud in case of reciprocation. Believe me, nobody wants to experience anything like reciprocation from The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

I did not know there were so many vegetables in the world until recently. It seems she has a vegetable for everything.

There is one strict restriction along this line, and that is broccoli. No matter what anybody else thinks, especially The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, I do not consider broccoli to be a vegetable. Disagree with me if you want, but I am unanimous in that.

I do confess that the lettuce salads she makes are rather delicious. No question about that for me. But as long as I’ve been alive, I have never considered a lettuce salad to be the mainstay of lunch and dinner.

For the past year, she has been very diligent about the “vegetable diet” she developed for me. As a result, I have lost around 15 pounds. When the doctor told me that, I spent a whole week looking for those lost pounds.

Evidently, her “vegetable diet” is working for me. I’m losing weight, and my blood pressure is under control. I never knew it was out of control before, but doctors are always right, so says The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

After a week of eating lettuce salads, I began to feel like a rabbit. Now I know what rabbits feel like when they’re running around looking for lettuce. The only difference with a rabbit is the ears. They have big ears and can hear everything, whereas I have small ears and can hardly hear anything.

I remembered what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”

Whatever my diet is, whether I like it or not, I’m going to do it to glorify God, after all, God deserves my praise.

Dr. James L. Snyder lives in Ocala, Florida with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Telephone is (352) 216-3025, e-mail is jamessnyder51@gmail.com, and his website is www.jamessnyderministries.com.