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OUT TO PASTOR: Touch my coffee and you die

Recently, illegitimate aliens of the worst kind have invaded our house.

It came to a head just the other day when we were sitting down to lunch, and The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage had a lovely bowl of tomato soup.

As I was eating my lunch, I glanced over at her bowl of tomato soup. The top of it was covered with little black dots of some sort.

Looking at it, I asked her, “Oh, my dear, what kind of soup are you eating today?”

She looked down at her soup, and her world came to a crashing end. She jumped up and yelled, but I had no idea what was happening.

Looking at her soup again, I noticed that those little black dots were swimming around in it.

As I looked closely, I noticed they were the tiniest little bugs I had ever seen, but there they were – swimming cheerfully – in her soup.

Being the affectionate husband I am, I laughed uncontrollably as I pointed to her soup.

“You do make the best soup in town.”

And then I laughed some more.

Looking at her, I noticed she was not laughing.

She was doing the opposite of laughing, so I had to calm down just a bit.

I don’t believe in karma. I think it’s a bunch of knucklehead idiocy. But in my experience, I have had things come back on me in a very alarming way.

I wasn’t thinking of that as I was making fun of The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and her bug-infected tomato soup.

This was just the beginning.

From then on, the bugs were everywhere in our house. Whenever I saw a bug, I would look at The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and say, “Do you want this one for your tomato soup?”

For some reason, I’m not sure why, she didn’t find any of that very funny.

But things were about to change.

Those bugs flew around my head, and one landed on my nose. Not thinking, which is my MO, I smacked that bug with my right hand as hard as possible.

Of course, I did not consider that the bug was as small as it was, and it was on my nose.

I’m unsure if I hurt the bug, but my nose began to bleed.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage caught me and said with a little smirk, “Are you having fun playing with your little bug friends?”

I wouldn’t say this out loud in her presence, but I deserved that.

The next incident was a bunch of those bugs flying up my nose.

I sneezed 17 times, and the bugs went everywhere in the room.

Laughing at me again, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage said, “The next time you sneeze cover your nose and mouth with your hand.”

I think she was having a giggle attack at the time.

Later that afternoon, the bugs were still flying all around. As I sat in my easy chair drinking coffee, I noticed bugs flying around my coffee.

I grabbed my coffee and shouted to those illegitimate aliens, “Touch my coffee and you die!”

I’m okay if they spoil the tomato soup, but my coffee is an entirely different situation.

Where these illegitimate aliens come from and how they got in our house, is a mystery to me.

To take control of the coffee in my cup is a severe malfunction of what is right. Therefore, there must be consequences to that kind of activity.

I saw these little bugs flying around everywhere I walked in our house.

Something had to be done to deal with this major calamity in our house.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage noticed that I was getting somewhat agitated by these bugs. No matter what we did in the house, they were still there.

Towards suppertime, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage looked at me and said, “Why don’t we go out for supper tonight and celebrate in a bug free zone?”

I know my wife is right all the time, and this time, she was more than right, so I was all in with her on this.

A little later, I thought of a bible verse along this line.

James 3:5, “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!”

Sometimes I don’t realize how important such little things are.

Looking back on my life, I remember some small events that turned into big events.

The biggest distractions in my life are the little things we sometimes ignore.

Sometimes just a few words can cause a big problem, which can last for a long time and cause a big problem. Say one wrong word and the problems begin. 

No matter how big a fire is, it always starts with a small flame.


Dr. James L. Snyder lives in Ocala, FL with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Telephone is (352) 216-3025, e-mail is, and website is

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