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What choice: You can’t eat your cake and blame it, too

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DIANA BUCKLEY
Ellis County Press
Sadie was dating Joe - an extremely good-looking guy who was quite a hand at baking cake.

When their relationship had gone far enough, he baked a beautiful chocolate cake for her. He wanted to make sure she would like it, so he decorated it with flowers and little candy stones in a myriad of colors.

Then he surprised her with it after an evening on the town.

'I don't know,' she said. 'I'm on a diet. I'm not sure I want to eat that.'

'One piece won't hurt,' he said. 'I really want you to have it. I've never felt this way about anyone.'

So she ate a piece and found it delicious. She ate another piece. And then another.

The next morning she woke up feeling uncomfortable. She looked in the mirror and climbed on the bathroom scale and realized the truth: the cake was making her fat.

She carried the cake out to her back porch where she destroyed it, completely and totally, before dumping it into the garbage can.

'Please don't do that!' someone shouted.

She looked up and saw a man and his wife looking hungrily at the cake.

'I have to get rid of this,' she said. 'It's making me fat.'

'Couldn't we have it?' said the woman. 'We've always wanted a cake like that.'

'No,' said Sadie. 'It's mine and I can do what I want with it.'

She dumped it in the garbage and when Joe found out, he dumped Sadie.

Since Joe was an extremely good-looking man, he didn't have any trouble finding another girlfriend, a girl named Sally.

When their relationship had gone far enough, he baked another beautiful chocolate cake and decorated it with flowers and little candy stones in a myriad of colors.

Then he surprised her with it after an evening on the town.

'I don't know,' she said. 'I'm on a diet. I'm not sure I want to eat that.'

'One piece won't hurt,' he said. 'I really want you to have it. I've never felt this way about anyone.'

Sally knew he had given a cake to Sadie, but, still, Joe was very good looking and it had been a long time since anyone had given her a gift like this.

So she ate a piece, and she found it delicious. She ate another piece. And then another.

The next morning she woke up feeling uncomfortable. She looked in the mirror and climbed on the bathroom scale and realized the truth: the cake was making her fat.

She carried the cake out to the back porch to destroy it, but she saw the hungry couple and relented.

'I'll give this cake to you,' she said.

Sally didn't have a box to put the cake in to give it to the people, so she asked around at work.

'You need to get some legal advice before you give that cake away,' someone said. 'Take your time, and make sure that's really what you want to do.'

So Sally asked the couple to wait while she made arrangements. It was hard for her to have the cake around all the time, quite inconvenient, really, but she persisted.

Until Joe found out what she was planning.

'That's my cake!' he shouted. 'I won't let you give it away!'

'No, it's my cake,' she said. 'I can do anything I want with it.'

But Joe didn't want the hungry couple to have the cake he made, so he filed an injunction against Sally in court and the fight began.

There were injunctions filed against injunctions and at least one deposition taken from everyone Joe and Sally had ever known, including Sadie.

And while all the wrangling was going on, the cake became stale, then hard as a rock. Completely ruined. 

I'm sure you realize by now I'm not really writing about cake.

I'm writing about abortion.

Think about it.

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